Entry Way Song

Well, should I admit
That my promise is counterfeit
That I’m careless and childish
And that’s all I can hope to be
And would you concede
That I think only of myself
I refuse everybody’s help
Who has been reaching out for me

Can Women Marry if they have Testicals?

Can men marry if they have ovaries?
By Faye Flam
Inquirer Staff Writer

Recent efforts to pass amendments that define marriage as a union between a “man” and a “woman” are going to run into more than just political opposition.

Scientists are contending there’s no clear definition of the gender divide.

There are at least seven definitions, but not everyone qualifies as male or female across the board, says Galdino Pranzarone, a psychologist at Roanoke College who has argued against marriage amendments on the editorial pages of the Roanoke Times.

Some people are born with a mix of male and female characteristics. The incidence of intersex births is between one in 1,000 to one in 2,500, says Pranzarone. “That’s a lot of people.”

Alice Dreger, part of the medical humanities and bioethics faculty at Northwestern University, has also written on the flaws of the “one man and one woman” equation.

You could define the sexes by their sex organs, Dreger says, but those are vulnerable to birth defects, accidents or cancer. Not to mention that some people have an organ whose size fits somewhere between a small penis and a large clitoris.

You might think you could get out a microscope and use chromosomes, defining men as having an X and a Y, women as having two X’s. It’s simple enough except some people have just a single X, or XXY, or XYY. There are XX men, XY women, and people with a “mosaic” of genetically male and female cells.

As an activist for the intersex community, Dreger often gets asked for advice and recently heard from a 19-year-old man whose medical workup revealed he had two X chromosomes and ovaries.

His situation was due to congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), a hormonal disorder that often causes women to become masculinized. Once in a while it will cause a genetic female to become outwardly male. Dreger said this young man wanted to know what to tell his parents and girlfriend and whether he should have surgery to become a woman. He felt like a man and liked being a man, so she advised him to stay a man.

And as Cindy Stone learned, women can sometimes get a Y chromosome. For her, it was Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (CAIS). A faulty gene on her X chromosome makes it impossible for her body to respond to her male hormones, so though she has male genetics, she developed along a female pattern.

Stone, who teaches gender studies at Indiana University, said her genitalia look female on the outside, so she didn’t suspect anything until she failed to menstruate. When she was 17 her doctors told her she had a birth defect and would never have children.

But when she reached her 30s, she went to another doctor who had a more complete explanation. She not only had a Y chromosome, she had testicles inside her body and no ovaries or uterus.

And yet, she always wanted to be female, felt female and looked female. In some ways she’s more “feminine” than ordinary women, whose bodies make and respond to small amounts of testosterone. Stone has never had a zit, she says, and grows almost no body hair.

She says like many intersex people, she submitted to surgery she now regrets. Doctors removed her testicles, she said, after which she lost much of her sex drive. Testicles secrete some female hormones, so once hers were gone she had to go on hormone replacement.

Other intersex people got surgery at infancy before they could let anyone know whether they felt more like girls or boys, says Stone.

As for marriage reform, she wonders who her politicians think she should marry. “I have testicles and a vagina. I have an F on my birth certificate but my bloodwork says my cells are all XY.”

Twenty states have already passed constitutional amendments to restrict marriage to a union between a man and a woman, and eight more will be voting on it this November, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. But Pranzarone predicts that once lawyers start representing intersex cases, these laws will fall apart.

We’re all just flying blind

I can hear the man upstairs, he’s crying out, “Fall on you knees, the end is near.” We both may need a saviour, tonight I fear that mine is the one that I left waiting far from here.

I am not feeling particularly well, I got up because I need to start doing work for my Research Methods and ended up doing everything but: I searched tabs for a new song I want to learn, emailed a lady about a psych experiment, emailed my dad, downloaded some new music, cried with Charlie on my lap for a while and then got an email back from my dad asking if everything was okay and if I needed any money. I guess for now, I’m okay but it was still nice to hear the sentiment. Somewhat hypocritical because he gave me a “talk” about how he was upset and disappointed that I had to ask my mum to buy me a cell phone when $150 isn’t a lot of money and I should technically have that much to spend. I’m not going to ask him for money because I’m sure that it’ll just end in more trouble than it’s worth but it was still nice of him to ask.

I don’t know why I’m so depressed, it’s probably the fact that my insides are spewing from my “coochie coo coo” as Christian would put it. Chad, Manny, Lauren, Spencer and I are supposed to be going to Molly’s tonight and I’m not sure if I want to. I should be showering right now, but I’m not sure that I actually want to. I should be getting ready for work now, but I’m not sure that I’m going to go. I mean, I do need to, but I just want to start doing my project for Research and ignore everyone.

I hate being forced to function. Fuck you real life! You win this time.

We move like sunlight off water

So just for heaven’s sake, I’ll try to face this. It’s just a chance you take to get a last kiss. So sexy, sexy babe you know I need some to pass the time away to get relief from all this life.

I’ve positioned myself in the room so I can see you drive up, always from the direction I don’t expect but this time I’ve got things down and my eyes open. I’m supposed to be studying, but you know how I am with that sort of things, so I just wanted to write this out before I start so I can go into it clear headed. OH THERE YOU ARE! Wait, is it you?

I THINK SO, MAYBE!

Oh well. Off the computer I go!

A climate of love and all the things in between

How can it feel so nice? Why does it feel so right? I think I’ve been somewhere special, I want to go back there.

I’m so sleepy and I wish I could rest my eyes and go back to bed for a little while longer, but it’s too bright and warm and windy. It’s actually a beautiful day, and pretty soon I’m going to go get dressed into something comfy and start studying for Cognitive Psychology on the porch. You know, even though it looks a bit tacky, having that big comfy couch out front really feels good.

I think my problem is that I don’t function when things aren’t planned out and I don’t have a schedule written for myself. So what I’m going to do tonight is write out a list of things for me to do every day. I work better with goals, and that way I’ll feel accomplished and busy. Sitting around on my computer doesn’t make me feel very good and neither does moping so I’ve got to do something other than that. I’m thinking about going to the bar tonight, but I can’t really afford it.

I’ve only got 15 dollars in my bank, and $20 from Lauren to pay off the $57 balance on my credit card for cat supplies. I’ve been working on my coverletter and maybe what I’ll do after I do a bit of reading is take a walk down to the Wyndham House and drop it off there. When I visited yesterday, they said that the House was closed, I don’t know what’s up with that. But I’ll check it out anyways, the houses along the way are beautiful.

I’m smelling cigarette smoke, so I think Paul might be out front smoking. I’m going to throw on pants and go check it out!

It’s all or nothing

Every race night is shot through with sunlight, trying to hit the big one one last time tonight for… Drunken fathers and stupid mothers and boys who can’t tell one girl from another. So she takes her pills, careful and round. One of these days she’s gonna throw the whole bottle down.

I got up a bit early to try and get some things done. Charlie still needs to get spayed and get her shots, the dishes still need to be done, floors mopped, living room picked up. I need to apply for a new job…somewhere and actually get hired… I like feeling busy but I get so lazy when I don’t have anyone here to motivate me. I just feel purposeless and insecure on my own. I feel homesick and lonely and weird. If I had the money to, I would sign up for guitar lessons or riding lessons. Jess and I briefly talked about leasing a horse together, but she’s in Brampton all the time so it just wouldn’t be feasible.

Anyways, I have to get used to it. I feel like such a baby and when I move away for co-op, I’m going to be living without roommates and can’t just get upset when I’ve been awake for an hour without anyone else.

Instead, what I’m going to do is grab my guitar and walk to the river and hang out in the sun for a while. Maybe I’ll come out feeling inspired.

Seems more like a letter

It’s under my skin but out of my hands, I’ll tear it apart but I won’t understand. I will not accept the Greatness of Man. It’s a world gone crazy, keeps woman in chains. So Free Her… So Free Her…

I don’t want to turn this into “AHH WORK! AHH WORK!” But I’ve grown to fucking hate CSI.  I’m going to print of resumes after I finish writing this so that I can go apply downtown. I’m even going to give Tim Horton’s a try. Or maybe I can take over as manager at Taco Bell (yeah, right).

Anyways, the landlord just came by for the rent without calling which makes him a stupid douchebag. I don’t have rent and nobody else is home and Nate told me last night that he’d come by in the evening. I wasn’t expecting it at all, but I told him to come back around six. I’ll have MY share of the money, but that certainly doesn’t account for the other 825 that nobody has. I’d tell him that we just don’t have it but will by Friday, but I’m too scared and frankly, it’s not my job to deal with that sort of thing. ANYWAYS, stressful.

I’m feeling kinda bummed about life because I don’t like my job and it’s not even a good job and I don’t know where I should be looking around to get something. I guess in the back of my mind I’m trying to live up to my parent’s (read: Dad’s) expectations of what I should be doing with my life. I mean, money is money, at this point I just need to make x amount of dollars to be happy and get by, but I feel like my parents will be upset with me if I get another shitty job, and then I’ll feel badly too.

Charlie’s sitting on my lap like a poon and is messing up everything I do. If I don’t pay attention to her she claws me and messes up the keyboard and if I do pay attention to her, I can’t type. What a dumb animal, she’s definitely lucky she’s cute.

I’m pretty sure that we’re going to end up going out tonight. Josh wants to break in his new apartment, Jess is going to come out for a bit, Manny wants to hang out and needs to get in contact with Josh (I’ve got a weird story to tell you about that) and Lauren and Spencer both get paid today so it works out pretty well.

Speaking of the roomies, I have no fucking CLUE where they are, I got swept at 2:00 and they still haven’t shown up. I think I dislike being alone more than I let on.

I miss the heck out of you and am really excited to see you tomorrow. I have a bunch of errands that need to be run over the next couple of days (Grocery shopping, cat food, snake food, laundry???) so hopefully you’ll drive me around a bit. I promise excellent lovings in return!

I love love love you and can’t wait to give you many hugs and more kisses than you’ll know what to do with. Call me when you get off work!

xox