Let us go up in fire, let’s go up flying.
But that’s just his cover… From what is under it, all his imagination, his passion for a creation which he has discovered uncovered a world, of amazing sensations, his own little nation… I don’t care, I’m flying.
Crunch time comes before party time, and we sure are crunching down to the last minute. Yesterday Lauren went shopping for party things and picked up cupcake mix and muffin tins, streamers, balloons, flowers for our crowns, icing and a bunch of other neat things. All that’s left to pick up is our keg, I’m getting all of the weed after work for the brownies and then on Friday I’ll pick up a punchbowl and work on making the most delicious, alcoholic punch of life.
And then hopefully a party that will forever linger in my heart as the most awesome house warming party ever thrown.
Anyways, it’s been a good past few days, I’ve been working like crazy and I think that spending that much time in one place doing the same thing is turning me batshit insane. I think I finally found a good shift to work, I’ve been trying out a few new daily schedules to see which one works best. 9-12, 12:30-3:30 was nice because I got that nice half hour break and still put in six hours. Today I’m working the typical, eyeball squishing 12:30-5:30, but tomorrow I’ll be doing 9-12, 12:30-3:30 and then 6-9. That’s nine hours of work and I’ve found before that having the few hours between the shifts gives me time to get some stuff done (studying, guitar, cleaning, a bite to eat…) and still do nine hours a day without being burnt out.
In other news, I’ve been trying out a new band called Imogen Heap which is actually really fantastic. Very me, I think, so I’ll be giving them a listen and hope that it catches on. I’ve been feeling pretty stale with my music repertoire as of late.
I’ve been having dreams that I just can’t interpret lately, I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been smoking more weed than usual, but they’ve just been strange. Plots that don’t go anywhere or relate to anything, this lingering feeling that there’s something happening that I can never quite put my finger on… Maybe that in itself is reflective of how I’ve been feeling as of late but I don’t know. I almost feel like having this time on my own will give me the time to meditate and do a bit of self-discovery anyways, it seems like things are all pointing in that direction anyways.
After the party I’m going to paint, get inspired and start doing some good things for myself. I can figure out what I want to do with my life and my time and it’ll be swell.
Speaking of swell, I found this amazing keyboard at the pawn shop for $129 and Lauren and I are hoping to split the cost. I’ve been aching for a piano again and this is the next best thing. That said, maybe I’ll just buy it myself… I wish wish wish that I had more money to spend. I’ve got this vacation to pay for, school to pay for, rent and utilities and all of the little things that I just rely on to get by. What’s a girl to do?
1 comment June 25, 2008
This is not my song
“Follow the light of a limp cigarette past the places where once we played. But now the trees are all hollowed out and trampled to the ground. it’s hard to remember how it’s come to this.”
I’m not sure what’s got me feeling so disconnected. I’m always up and down but today I just feel so drained of everything that I wish I could just hide away and forget the world. I was feeling grumpy and down, talked to Spencer for a little while and then headed off to the clinic on my bike. It was a really nice ride, and I was proud that I got there by myself after I’d only looked at the directions once. It turned out that it was over-booked when I got there, but I did meet this first time mom with a baby who had a pretty swollen mosquito bite. I gave her some advice because I used to be super allergic to mosquitoes, but laughed because it was such a silly thing for a mom to get worked up about.
By the time I bike rode (uphill) all the way home I was hot and sweaty and thirsty and tired. Lauren was home and had the Peach Schnapps out, but I wasn’t really up for drinking so we all went to Market Fresh to go grocery shopping. I had my first experience at a deli and I think it went pretty well,I guess. I’m terrible at ordering things though.
Anyways, everything was generally okay up until I got back and then Spencer and Lauren started drinking. I just feel ganged up on and out of place. I mean, I love Lauren’s guitar, but everytime we sit down we listen to her play it, and we can’t talk, and both of them yelled at me for going on my computer on the internet that I pay for, and tell me that I’m this and I’m that.
I’m not going to sit and complain about it because it’s over and done with and I don’t really care. It just sucks sometimes because I wish we could all just chill out like we used to.
Add comment June 7, 2008
Here beside me
“I loved you first , I loved you first. Beneath the stars came falling on our heads, but they’re just old light. They’re just old light.”
I’m feeling pretty sick right now. The irony is, I’ve taken two full days off of work under the guise of being sick and now, now I’m actually feeling it. It’s just the rain I hope, but hopefully I’ll be up from under the weather before tonight because I think I need to bike to the clinic to pick up a doctor’s note to confirm I don’t have the Staph infection that’s plaguing our office.
I’m pretty sick of working, and I just got another job at Vector selling knives to people. It’s $18.05 an hour but it’s kind of like selling Tupperware; you buy your own set of knives and then make appointments to show them to people and get paid per appointment. Apparently some guy made $40,000 in his first summer working, but I that’s probably extraordinary. Anyways, if I was going to do that I’d probably go home for a week at a time to sell to people around Niagara, I know more people who’d be interested in it there and it’d give Erik and I more time to spend together and I know how we’ll both like that.
Anyways, it’s a bit hard to type right now because Charlie’s curled up on my lap and keyboard. I guess she really enjoys watching the words fly across the page. Usually I’d be kind of annoyed at her, she’s been frustrating as hell the past few days, but I’m feeling a bit down so I’m enjoying the company. I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me. I just got a job, my rent is paid, I just got 87.5% on my Cognitive Psychology midterm of which I was convinced I would fail, but I still just feel despondant.
I thought Spencer was here, but maybe he disappeared off for a walk. I wish it wasn’t raining. I wish Erik was here. I could use a good cuddle.
Add comment June 3, 2008
A soft place to rest your head
Glow right into you, I will glow. Right into you I will glow, right into you.
Funny how life goes. I had this big long post before, but I deleted it because I didn’t think it was very worth while. I talked to Kris for a while last night, snuggled with Erik via the phone for a few hours, got up, called into work sick, got the internet set up in my apartment (fuckin’, yeah!), yelled at the cat, and have been talking with Elliot instead of studying for my midterm.
I’ve got more to say, but I’ve got an interview at 12:00 that needs to be gone to. I seriously, seriously am not looking forward to going, I’ve got absolutely nothing “professional” to wear. Shit.
1 comment June 3, 2008
Moon’s pouring through the window
“When we break we’ll wait for our miracle, God is a place where some holy spectacle lies. When we break we’ll wait for our miracle, God is a place you will wait for the rest of your life.”
Instead of doing something extraordinarily important such as finishing up the two chapters I need to read by Saturday for my exam in Cognitive Psych, I’m making yet another blog. I think that this one’s pretty important though, because it’s a special blog for Erik and I to keep in touch with. I’m too tired to study anyways; I put together our living room so our new (and by new I of course mean, used) furniture isn’t all over the place and put some elbow grease into the kitchen by single-handedly washing an entire mountain of dishes, the stove, the microwave and all the counters. I was itching to start on the baseboards but now, nobody wants to hear about my obsession with cleaning, and it was basically the least interesting part of my day.
Even if work today wasn’t that great (I slacked off and made so few sales that it’s going to kill my awesome week average) it was interesting to say the very least. Lise, as usual kept up her end of a lively but strange conversation. I mostly listened. She talked a lot about crystals, living energy, and gave me a whole new perspective about Genesis. Yeah, the bible. I have no idea where this gem of a woman gets all this stuff, but she’s a crazy genius. And I mean that quite literally.
Anyhow, I always try to make a point of experiencing something life changing every day. It’s not that hard, I mean, life is essentially about change anyways, but now that it’s summer, I’ve really got to redouble my efforts. I feel like I’ve turned into a sloppy mess of a person who lacks a significant amount of character, but I had a good excuse before- it wasn’t summer. Fortunatly for my once-wasting-away mind and unfortunatly for my tummy-pooch I’m really going to kick it up a notch.
I’m seriously considering doing a real interview with Lise. She really is one of my insprations, one of my heros and people like her and opportunities like the ones I have now don’t come along all that often. So I’m thinking of getting a camera of some sort, and writing out questions and then filming an interview. If that were to go well, I’d ask a few other people to do it, too. I wish Cowboy was here instead of going to Turkey, he was such an interesting guy. But on the list of people I’d like to make a documentary of is Lise (as I said before), Josh, maybe Ellen but I don’t like her much so maybe not, Lauren perhaps, Matt if he comes up and, well, I don’t know…It’s just an idea that I think is fantastic. I’ll admit, I stole the idea (though unconciously at first) from the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants trilogy. I believe it was Tibby who inadvertently made an amazing documentary about the people she was working with. Speaking of- I wonder if the other two movies ever got made. That was a fantastic teen novel.
So, I’m pretty tired now, and I guess it’s time for me to go to bed. Yesterday it was hard for me to fall asleep because Erik wasn’t here for the first time in ages and I’m afraid to sleep by myself. The blanket kept getting all bunched up so half of me was too hot and the other half was too cold and I was really thirsty. But tonight I’ll be having trouble sleeping because Erik’s coming up tomorrow! He was supposed to be gone for more than a week but he changed his plans. I’m so glad that his parents are as accomodating as they are. I’d be lost without the whole of them.
I’m not quite sure when he’ll be arriving, but hopefully he’ll be back from work by that point, AND, hopefully my father will have shown up with the bag of stuff I left behind in Welland. I feel bad that I left all of it behind for them to bring up, especially when it was so important. I’m such a nutbar when it comes to just about everything.
Oh well!
Add comment May 29, 2008
